UNGLUED by Lysa TerKeurst
I was just reading Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst and she mentioned a Yale University study that showed that social-comparison jealousy requires three conditions:
- a person receives negative personal feedback
- in a domain of life that is important to them, and
- they believe another person is performing successfully in that same domain (taken from Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst)
And it hit me: this is where writers live. Yes, I can think of other arenas like this (motherhood, for example). But as authors, nearly every day we receive some kind of negative feedback on something very personal to us (our writing), and then we turn around and see other authors getting accolades we feel we’ve somehow missed.
I’m sure that like any other writer, I’ve been on the giving and receiving end of envy-worthy news. I even posted about my struggle with that here: A Bone to Pick–A Jealous Bone. So how do we deal with this constant cycle?
I know many authors leave groups or Facebook to take away some of that constant bombardment of both good and bad feedback. And I think that’s a very good option, just one I haven’t successfully implemented yet. We try to be thankful our fellow authors are succeeding where we haven’t, and while part of us rejoices, somewhere deep down we wonder how they did it, and why they got pushed to the front of the line, as it were.
TerKeurst, who’s struggled with the pain of author rejection, made a great point that hit home with me. She mentioned Galatians 6:4-5 which says “But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load.” TerKeurst mentions that we are each assigned the loads we need to carry–both good and bad.
She reminds us that it’s a lie that we’d be happier and more content with someone else’s load, because that person has burdens just like we do. We can instantly realize this if we watch reality TV. Even superstars, models, or people who can afford exorbitant homes with twenty bathrooms have problems. We each have our own loads to bear.
She recommends fighting the envy problem not only by accepting our own load, but by helping others as well. She gave an illustration of a young woman who had a terminal disease and couldn’t really leave her house. If anyone could have been envious, this woman could have. Instead, she chose to visit blogs like TerKeurst’s and leave words of encouragement. This young woman was able to go outside her own personal pain and give of herself to others–to build others up.
I want to be an author like that, who helps and encourages others not only when everything is groovy in my writing world (which most of the time it isn’t, BTW!) but when I’m tired, when I feel beat down, when I feel I can’t take another step.
Hoping this encourages you this week as it did me. And here’s the link for Unglued, which I really enjoyed.
-Heather
Great post! This is something I struggled with the past year but I’m trying to realize that small reaches are often way more important in God’s economy than big reaches. And I am grateful to have met those rare authors who are supportive and encouraging like you. I hope to be the same!
You are, Christina! 🙂
Thank you for such a lovely article! I have to admit I experienced author envy once, and it was such a dreadful, yucky feeling. So glad to know this is a thing, and it can be defeated by the powerful word of God. Thank you. I just may save this article to come back and read again if…okay, most likely WHEN…I ever experience this again. 😉 Thank you for being so transparent! 🙂
I hope you don’t, but I wonder if maybe that isn’t something God wants us to learn to deal with as authors? It does seem like the longer we are authors, the more we learn to genuinely congratulate others who are several steps ahead of us, because we finally realize (after having our own books out and readers) that what they are writing is not the same thing we’re writing. We each have our individual styles/genres/niches. And our readers appreciate our particular writing styles and stories. 🙂
I am coming up on my one-year anniversary and I too have struggled with this. I don’t think there isn’t a single person alive who hasn’t. I hate feeling jealous of other success because I want to be whatever it is God wants me to be. I see this as a ministry, not a hobby or a job. Yeah, the return isn’t as fast as face to face, but seeds are planted.
One night, I was praying about the continued jealousy. ( I confess, Ms. Christina was on the other end of that- lol) Anyway, I was complaining to God and as clear as day, He said, “I will put these books into the hands of those I want them in. You can not force things to happen. You do the work, I’ll make things happen.” So I resolved to just write and let God do His thing. I think if I had not already read this book and did the bible study on it, I would not have been so willing to hand over that part of me.
Stay strong my friend!
So true, and I think that’s something we have to remind ourselves of all the time–we can’t make things happen. We can do our best and keep moving forward as best we can, but we can’t open the doors. He will open the ones He wants open. I know I learned that after pursuing tradpub for years. Now I have seen the benefits of going indie when I did, and I’m so thankful God pushed me that direction. 🙂 Yes–we can just pray for and support each other as we go through these valleys!